36 Things I Know After 36 Years of Marriage


Its been a long time since I have posted to this site – not for any other reason that I’ve enjoyed a break, some time with my family, and some time off work.  In fact, my holiday was so good, I have battled to settle into the work space again – still blissfully wishing I was on holiday…

Aaaahhhh!!!!

Firstly, my apologies, I was dutifully following Pearl’s Oysterbed’s 52 Weeks to Unlock your Libido, but it has been removed from the website.  There are some exciting things happening on Pearl’s Oysterbed’s website, so hop on over to take a look.  There is some amazing advice there that will really help you connect with your husband and make sure that sex is satisfying for you as well.  It doesn’t happen as instinctively as in the movies – sometimes we just simply need to work at it a bit.

52 Weeks to Unlock Your Libido: a Sex Drive Transformation (a previous OysterBed7 series) will be available as a weekly calendar e-book very soon!!

I’m busy putting the final touches on a series you found helpful.  The numbers and your comments have told me so.

52 Weeks to Unlock Your Libido will be in a weekly calendar format.  It uses God’s Word, science, and outside-the-box-thinking to help you create a new mindset.  God designed sex and it’s OK for you to be a sexually charged wife!

– See more at: http://www.oysterbed7.com/#sthash.sSitrGrz.dpuf

Anyway, as soon as I can, I will continue with the series.  I just have to add though, that working on your thinking – and how you perceive things – is definitely a step in the right direction.  I am constantly working and praying about how I think about things.  I live in a world (in my mind) of negativity and now I am nurturing positivity and trust.  It is hard when you have thought one way for more than 40 years to change how you think, but how I was thinking wasn’t working for me anymore.  It led to:

  • Anxiety
  • Depression
  • Low libido
  • Fear
  • Holding back
  • Eating problems
  • Weight issues
  • Lack of fitness
  • Financial issues

Just to name a few…

And then you see that God doesn’t give us fear, but He gives us peace, and abundance and wants us to know that He will always take care of us.

Anyway, this blogs isn’t about my anxiety – if you want to read about that, click here.  This is about marriage – just a few home truths I have learnt from my marriage and observing those around me.

And so, I came across this blog – and already I have found it to be terribly beneficial.  In one post, in celebration of their 36 year anniversary, Winifred M. Reilly, shares 36 things she has learnt after 36 years of marriage.  Some of them are amazingly simple – and yet so profound.

Please log onto her website to view these 36 points – I’ve just listed below some of my favorite.

  • One of you has to go first.  Apologize first.  Be vulnerable first.  Yield first.  Forgive first.  Why not let that person be you?
  • When you think to yourself, I really shouldn’t say this, you’re probably right.
  • Some conflicts cannot be resolved by compromise.  (We can’t have half a child or buy half a vacation home).  When there’s no such thing as “meeting halfway,” the solution becomes a matter of generosity, where one person says “yes” to their second choice and the other acknowledges that as a gift.  (Love this one – and it so true.  Sometimes you give a gift to your spouse when there is no other way.  Or you accept a gift.)
  • The happier I am about my own life, the less irritated I am about my husband’s irritating behaviors.
  • Marriage can make you a better person or a worse person.  It’s your choice.
  • During hard times, commitment may be your saving grace.  The fact that, way back when, you said “’till death do us part” may be the only reason you keep two feet in long enough to fix what’s not going well.  And that’s reason enough.
  • Most of your spouse’s upsets and frustrations aren’t about you — but some are.  The sooner you figure out which is which, the better off you’ll be.
  • People who are unhappily married sometimes think marriage is the problem — that marriage is unnatural or outdated or impossible to do well.  There’s not a third entity called marriage.  Everything that goes on between you is your creation.  Each of you playing your part.  Why not create something worthwhile?
  • If you think marriage would have been much easier with somebody else, you’re probably wrong.
  • Most marital problems are fixable.  Really.  Even the tough ones.  (I remember my husband’s sister saying that when she divorced her first husband that problem marriages can’t be fixed – I don’t agree.  Problems can be fixed (most problems, anyway), its more about whether you want to fix them or not.  Otherwise its like saying that there is no hope if a certain problem presents itself in your marriage and the only option then is to divorce and I don’t believe that…)
  • The D word (divorce) is a dangerous weapon. I suggest the F word instead: frustrated. Nobody’s heart will be broken if you say, “I’m so FRUSTRATED I could scream!”  Yeah, I thought something else was going to be said here 😉 but I like this more.  We all do get frustrated and tired and it is normal.  Shouting that you’re frustrated or even angry is a far better cry than using the D word….

better-marriage

I am so grateful I can across this blog, and I am looking forward to some more inspiring posts to really grow myself within my marriage this year.

What about you?  What are your marriage resolutions this year?

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