I have asked J at Hot, Holy and Humorous to give me a little post to put here as to why Sex is so important in a marriage   The reason why I have done this is because this is an area that I battle with – and am slowly starting to realise that many women battle with.  Isn’t it better to cuddle up on the couch and watch a good movie?  Yeah, I think so too.  Here is what J had to say (I cried when I read this – it is beautiful!)


Sex is often called the “icing on the cake of marriage.”  That description sounds nice, but it implies that sex is unnecessary to marriage—lovely, but optional.  Cake can certainly be eaten without icing, so one might assume that marriage can be lived without sexual intimacy.

Nothing could be further from God’s truth.From the very beginning, God designed marriage to include close physical intimacy that expresses covenant love, has the capacity to produce children, and nurtures that special connection between husband and wife.  It’s not the icing, but rather a key ingredient in a successful, God-honoring marriage.


Note these scriptures that emphasize the importance of sex in marriage:

“This is why a man leaves his father and mother and bonds with his wife, and they become one flesh.” Genesis 2:24 (HCSB)

“Drink water from your own cistern, running water from your own well.  Should your springs overflow in the streets, your streams of water in the public squares?  Let them be yours alone, never to be shared with strangers.  May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth.  A loving doe, a graceful deer—may her breasts satisfy you always, may you ever be intoxicated with her love.” Proverbs 5:15-19 (NIV)

“Let my beloved come into his garden and taste its choice fruits.  I have come into my garden, my sister, my bride; I have gathered my myrrh with my spice.  I have eaten my honeycomb and my honey; I have drunk my wine and my milk.  Eat, friends, and drink; drink your fill of love.” (Song of Songs 4:16-5:1)

“The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband.  The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband.  In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife.  Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer.  Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.” 1 Corinthians 7:3-5 (NIV)

Clearly, marital sex matters to God.  He designed to be an essential ingredient and a beautiful gift for His married children.

Yet being convinced of its significance doesn’t mean that it’s always easy to attain satisfying sexual intimacy, even in the blessed bonds of marriage.  We understand this with other principles—like the Bible tells us to love others, but it isn’t always clear exactly how to love others or to keep our selfish selves from hindering our love for others.  So knowing that you should be experiencing sexual pleasure and connection with your husband doesn’t automatically mean that you will.

Which is where Christian marriage resources come along—to help you walk through the everyday challenges to a fabulous sex life in marriage.  Marital intimacy mentors provide spiritual insight about God’s desire for sex, or encouragement for living out biblical principles in the marital bedroom, or practical advice for improving your pleasure or dealing with distractions, or answers to specific problems you experience in the sexual arena.

Since sex matters to God and to your marriage, it’s important to prioritize your physical intimacy, to find ways to make that intimacy as deep and lasting as it can be, to bake it into the cake of marriage.

J. Parker is the author of Sex Savvy: A Lovemaking Guide for Christian Wives and writes the Hot, Holy & Humorous blog, where she uses a biblical perspective and a blunt sense of humor to foster Christian sexuality in marriage.  You can read more of her thoughts at

8 thoughts on “Sex

  1. I absolutely loved this post and I am especially enjoying your blog! For the record, I have been married for a very brief 25 years to my cherished friend. Our sexual and intimate lives have begun to really take off as we have grown more close to each other and more comfortable with our own bodies (yes, it has taken a long time to break free of many cultural shackles). Our faith and our commitment to each other is very deep with no concept of any sort of bottom. It is amazing that when sex is prioritized as an important piece of the relationship (friendship, companionship, partnership and intimacy all with God at the center, perspectives are changed and barriers are eliminated.

    We do have to keep reminding ourselves of this as our selfish flesh tends to rise up in rebellion continually. As long as we both keep our perspectives squarely and firmly in place…that I am to serve my wife (and she, serving me), our sexual relationship thrives and is very vibrant. My most significant pleasure is derived from her enjoyment and pleasureful satisfaction. It is about what my heart feels, more so than my body.


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