I recall reading a story on a blog where the blogger says she used to go to an exercise class every week. In her exercise class was a woman who used to bemoan and badmouth her husband every opportunity she got. The blogger eventually didn’t want to meet this woman’s husband, thinking he must be a real grouch, mean and bad-tempered. But, she was surprised when she did eventually meet him; he was anything but. He was mischievous, happy with a sparkle in his eye. Everyone immediately liked him.
Except for his wife...
Who clearly wasn’t happy with anything her husband did. And took great delight in telling everyone.
I have read on so many blogs, and forums and different platforms that for a marriage to be truly be healthy it takes the health of both parties involved into consideration, i.e. your marriage is only as healthy as the least healthy spouse.
Well, this goes for happiness to…
Your marriage can only be as happy as the least happy spouse.
But here’s the thing.: there is not a single living soul on this planet that ever can make us truly happy. Yes, our spouses (and family and friends) can contribute to our happiness, and they most certainly can contribute to our unhappiness. But the decision to live our lives happily ultimately rests with ourselves. And therefor is our own responsibility.
I remember seeing a documentary on Hurricane Katrina and they were following this couple who had lost their home, their livelihoods, and pretty much everything that they had. And as they were clearing away the rubble of what was once their home, do you know what these two individuals were doing? They were joking with each other and laughing. I mean, seriously laughing. And I find that pretty awesome. They both knew that they had hard times ahead, they knew that they had to literally rebuild their lives from scratch, they knew that they had nothing to their names… but they were enjoying each other, they were resting in the fact that no matter what they have to face, they will face it together, and they can now just “rest” in each other – be at peace with each other. Reference here.
I wouldn’t be very pleasant if I lost my home like that. I would be downright miserable. But, the choice to be happy when facing obstacles in life lies solely with ourselves.
The point that I want to make – don’t be that spouse that brings down the tone of your marriage. Be the spouse that raises the bar of happiness in your marriage.
I know that things can get hard, and tough, and I know that often we just want to give up. But, even then – you still have to make that decision to live your life in happiness or being miserable (and then having a divorce to deal with on top of it all). Happiness is not dependent on who we are married to or on our life circumstances.
Happiness is a call to holiness; a call to celebrate our lives in light of what God has blessed us with.
It’s a tall order when so many people are stressed, and anxious, and fearful and taking meds…
But, even that are choices we make. We may feel we don’t have a choice, but we do. And learning to live happy and peaceful lives may mean a series of choices we have to make through our lives. But, its still a choice…
The body hears everything the mind tells it!
And its not the easiest of choices – to be happy when it feels like our world is crumbling; to be happy when we feel like sobbing; to be happy when we want to run and hide away – to be happy when life just feels blah…!
I am not advocating a false bravado of smiling when you’re going through something traumatic. Sadness, anger are all normal human emotions that we feel (MUST FEEL) when faced with issues in our lives. But, when the event has passed, and we’ve dealt with our feelings, and thoughts, we can then choose: continue in bitterness, or choose to be happy!
The wife in the story above clearly was very bitter and only saw her husband in a negative light. When I first read that story, my first thought was to feel sorry for him being married to someone who clearly was so miserable. But, my second thought was what it must be like for her to be so unhappy all the time. She could so easily choose happiness.
I want my husband to be married to someone who not only is mentally healthy, but who also is happy.
I don’t want my husband to be married to someone who is miserable.
And without sounding glib on all the myriad of issues that we all need to face everyday, I still want to live life enjoying it than being miserable.