Feeling Safe


Wednesdays are Love Letters to my Husband days…

To my love,

Remember when we did our Kontiki tour to Europe, and we were visiting Switzerland and we had just visited that bridge that had been built-in the 13th century, but had recently burnt down (or part if it, anyway), because some silly individual threw their cigarette butt onto the bridge. 

Do you remember what I said to you when we walking around the old city looking for a chocolate shop?  I had my wallet in my hand, looking for some Euro’s, and I said to you that I felt safe.  Unlike South Africa, where you never ever take money out in public, and you watch your bag all the time, in Switzerland I felt safe.  No one worried about these two tourists and what we were up to.  Shop owners, in fact, used to go home at about 14:00 for an afternoon siesta, and leave their shops open.  No one took anything, no one worried about hiding valuables – I felt truly safe.

For the first few years of our marriage, I felt safe with you.  I remember lying in your arms and just feeling completely at peace and totally safe.  It was a wonderful feeling.  

Then, sometime after Baby Girl was born, I lost that feeling.  Well, I lost my way completely – I believed every lying thought that popped into my head and becoming a mother was such a shock to the system that I was not prepared for.  It has taken a long time to come to terms with the fact that I am capable, and that I do actually know my way – and that it will be okay.

But, recently, I have started to feel safe again: with you, within our marriage, being a mom to be Baby Girl, being me…  I still have to work on my negative thinking, but here’s what I am learning the most:

Step into the sun and break down the wall.  In Jesus, you are safe, loved and accepted.  Embrace your husband and your life as gifts from God.  Embrace God who loves you completely.  Trust in who God created you to be.  Trust God will always guide you saying, “Here is the path.”  Trust God has created you fearfully and wonderfully.  Do NOT give up.  You will reap the harvest of blessing if you do NOT give up.

I am realising that it isn’t so much what life throws my way; its being confident that I am loved by you and by God that allows me to feel safe.  I know that I am safe because you love me.  And I know that I am safe because God loves me.  Me – my person, who I am, my likes and dislikes, my inner me.  All of this I can share with you because I am safe.

It’s such a wonderful feeling and every time I think of it, I think of us walking in Switzerland, looking for that chocolate shop…

Thank you for loving me enough, that who I am – as a person – feels safe.  

I loved that Kontiki tour that we did.  In fact, I cannot wait until we go again…

I love you, Babe, and I hope that you feel as safe with me as I feel with you.

Your wifey…

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