Wednesdays (in this case, Thursday) are love letters to my husband days.
To my love,
I love that you’re a person of integrity. Your word matters to you and living a clean, honest life matters to you. Yes, you have that naughty sense of humour that we all find so funny – but at heart, you’re an amazing person of strength, integrity, kindness and truth. I see the goodness in you, the love in your heart, the strength in your character, the truth in your words and… And I just love you. I love you for that goodness. I relish in that love. I rely on that strength and trust in that truth.
Each day I am so grateful that God has blessed me with you, and with our daughter, that I am quite taken aback to be deemed worthy at all.
My prayer is to simply love you; love you that you know you are seen; love you that you know God sees, love you that you know God loves YOU, love you that you know you are loved.
Thank you for being the man who I can love, who loves me, who has kindness, love, goodness, and truth as being fundamental characteristics of who you are.
BUT loving you this way; or trying to love you this way means that I fail often. And I know that I am failing you sexually. It’s ironic: I can see why this need is so important to you; I can see why God created things to be this way; I can understand cognitively how all this is meant to fit together – I even blog about it. I just can’t seem to get myself there. So, my prayer is thus: to stop being a gate keeping wife, to take the gates off completely so that sexual intimacy can ebb and flow between us freely; like the waves crashing along the shore. Sometimes strong and fierce, sometimes gentle and soothing. I pray for an intimacy to ebb and flow between us that will continually draw us closer together.
Please know that I love you for all that you are – and my failing dismally in this area is not an indication of my love for you. In my mind, the two areas are disjointed and separate. But, I know that isn’t how it works for you. I feel like I’m letting you down, and I know you’re tired of apologies. Please know that I am forever working on this – I truly believe that any situation or issue can be resolved by changing one’s thinking. I am scouring the bible, blogs and any other material that I can find to aid my thinking being changed on this… I want to satisfy you. Completely. Totally and truly…
I love you.