F A I T H F U L
Happy and Holy!
The biggest battle for me in obtaining holiness is to watch what I’m thinking about. Our thoughts are so powerful and basically lead us to live the life that we live. I had no idea how negative and self-destructive my thoughts actually were until my husband pointed it out to me. He can’t remember this conversation or ever telling me this (go figure…), but he would often tell me that I was aggressive. And I would be like, what??? I didn’t see myself that way, but clearly – for him to point it out to me, not once, but may times – I did appear that way. Aren’t Christian women meant to be kind and gentle? And that was the starting point of this whole “watch what you think” journey.
The crux though came after Baby Girl’s arrival. That was when I truly saw the impact of what negative thinking can do. You see, I had this belief that I couldn’t be a mom, I would fail, I would somehow damage this child, that I couldn’t cope, that I am weak, unable… That I had to hide myself away from the world because I wasn’t worthy… Even just typing that, I cringe to think how negative my thinking actually was.
And you know what? It was all lies… all of it. But, I believed it hook, line and sinker…
And this – for me – is such a crucial part of holiness in marriage. Well, I suppose not just marriage, but life in general: watch what you think about.
Philippians 4:8 NIV
Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.
We cannot live holy lives if our minds are cluttered with negativity, darkness, anxiety and fear. We cannot live holy lives if we’re not thinking like Jesus. And how do we think like Jesus: well, we think about whatever is true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent, praiseworthy… those are the things to think about.
All my anxiety and fear that I have ever felt in my life I can now directly link to my thought life. All of it. Oh, don’t get me wrong – it is still an issue that I battle with. But, whenever I feel anxious or scared, and take an inventory of my thoughts, there is something negative lurking in the background.
If I want to and desire to be holy in my marriage – I need to watch my thoughts towards my husband and our life together.
I can’t be thinking ugly, frustrated thoughts about him or our marriage – firstly, it’s not going to solve any issues we have unless I actually approach him to actually resolve the issue. And secondly, it will only allow me to stew in negativity thereby bringing down the tone of our marriage in a seriously negative way. And that is not the place I want to live…