At the beginning of the year, we started looking at my word for this year. So far, we’ve looked at the definition of faithful and how it refers to marriage, but we also looked at faithful as being so much more as just the absence of those deeds that would constitute a breach in one’s marriage vows, but it is an attitude of the heart, mind and soul. Being faithful means being true, respectful and loving in what I think, do and say about my husband.
Happy and Holy
Loving and Loyal.
Today, we’re looking at acceptance. As a woman, I may not understand my husband’s need for respect or his desire for acceptance – while he may not understand my need for love or late night chats. God made us different – and it is in those differences that we get to celebrate. But, the one thing that we all need is acceptance. It IS because God has made us all so very different that I think we all have this fear of not being accepted for who we are! Isn’t that the crux of most of life’s crises? We don’t feel understood or loved or accepted, so what do we do? We drink, we party, we go off the rails… We try run from this fear that we’ll never actually be accepted for who we are; that somehow we’re a fraud and we’ll get caught out or that we’ll be made fools of and the very essence of who we are will become a laughing matter to those around us…
And here’s the thing – we’ll never ever biologically, emotionally or spiritually be just like another person. We will be unique, and different, from anyone else on this earth. That is the beauty of God’s design and His absolute brilliance – no matter how different we are from each other, we all reflect God’s image.
Including our husbands…
I am quite sure that there are aspects of your husband’s personality that drives you completely bonkers. It’s normal. I’m also quite sure that there are aspects of your personality that drive your husband bonkers, too. Also, quite normal. But herein lies the choice: We can either make our spouses feel bad for occasionally driving us bonkers, or we can make them feel loved and accepted.
The choice is ours.
And now, I’m not talking about sin: gambling, porn, addiction are different issues entirely and need intervention and pastoral care.
I’m just talking about the fact that your husband loves to watch TV late at night or makes arriving 10 minutes early for any and every function a priority, while you couldn’t really be bothered. It’s that understanding that this is who he is, and you’re going to love him and accept him just for that! His quirky sense of humour, the fact that he loves to exercise and keep fit, or that he can be quite pedantic about being on time or making good food properly. Those are all who he is…
To be honest, I have never understood how women can claim to fall in love with a man, marry him, and then spend the rest of her life trying to change him. What’s the point? Because if you succeed in changing him, he then ceases to be the man you fell in love with in the first place. And you’ll never be able to change him anyway – he will always be who he is and just trying to change him will create such chaos and discord in your marriage, it won’t be worth the attempt.
The only ones we’ll be able to control, are ourselves.
So, acceptance: accepting him for who he is… because God created him for a reason, and its not our job to change him; its our job to honour God.