Last night, I had a bit of a – what shall I call it – tiff with my mother-in-law. It was something small, that escalated, and she came to me to apologise. But, it has bugged me – you see, ever since the huge fight with hubby’s sister, the relationship between his mom and I has strained.
And while I am so grateful that they are here to help with Baby Girl these holidays, there is definitely tension in the house.
I think I am angry over the lack of support we received; how Baby Girl never features unless the sister gives permission; and how we’re not allowed to know anything of what is happening in the family because everything is a KGB secret. And I think I’ve gotten to the point of just giving up. Quite simply, enough is enough. If my daughter isn’t deemed worthy enough to be included in the family as an equal, well then, I have simply abdicated myself from the family dynamic. Many spouses do this in marriage when they get to the point of enough is enough.
But, you see, that doesn’t make for a very good family dynamic or a strong marriage. In fact, it just makes things worse. And I think that is the strain felt over the last couple of days since arriving in P.E.
Anyway – after our little tiff last night, and waking up this morning with my jaws sore from clenching my teeth during the night, I’ve realised that not only have they done wrong, but my attitude is completely wrong. I had this nagging thought on humility and how I have become so big for my boots that the universe very nearly actually does revolve around me.
I never used to be like this.
What makes what I say and do so right?
So I came across 1 Peter 5:5-8:
In the same way, you who are younger, submit yourselves to your elders. All of you, clothe yourselves with humility toward one another, because, “God opposes the proud but shows favor to the humble.” Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.
It is interesting to note the “submit to your elders”. My husband’s parents may not see that the damage their favouritism of his sister has done, but they are good people and are filled with love. And they are here to help us during these school holidays.
And now intimacy – do cast ALL your anxiety (burdens, problems, cares) onto God, means that I am not in control of those cares and anxieties. I have no say; they have been given to God Almighty and He will lift me up at the right time… But, they are not mine anymore. For a person who craves control, who craves to understand my place in the world, who craves some sort of say over how things happen and what happens, this is very humbling. It says,
“Lord, I am not interfering. I cast all my anxieties onto you – for you to deal with, and I trust in you and wait on you to lift me up at your appointed time.”
It is a complete and total surrender to God for HIM to resolve whatever issue you have. And to do that, you need to really know who your God is. From that flows an intimacy that allows you to believe and trust that God has this; He is the Blessed Controller of all things…
So, whatever anger has plagued me from the past, whatever issues I feel completely out of control, whatever ails me, I am going to practice surrendering myself to Him, and walking in humility as He takes control.
The Baby Mama
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