Intimacy – Knowing


I think I’m realizing that one of the most important aspects of intimacy is knowing…  that look your husband gives you after a long and gruelling day and you just know he needs some comfort, a glass of wine and just to put his feet up for five minutes.

I remember after we had an accident – many years ago – in our Honda Civic, which was hubby’s pride and joy.  And I walked up to him and gave him a hug, and he said, “How did you know?”  Meaning – how did I know he needed a hug.  He was devastated by that car accident and he need some comforting.

But, I knew – I knew what he needed.  It is sad to say that since then I’ve lost a lot of just knowing him, knowing what he needs, what to say, how to react…  But, I am learning again.

In as much as the world would love to tell us that we’re all the same.  We’re not.  God created men with a need to be respected, and woman with a need to be loved.  Men are naturally more analytical (generally speaking) and women are more nurturing…

It is clear from even this cursory examination, however, that God made two sexes, not one, and he designed them to fit together hand in glove.  Neither is superior to the other, but each is certainly unique.  Dr James Dobson

And I really think that we need to start moving away from “we’re all equal and the same” to “we’re all equal, but different and let’s celebrate those differences“.  I seriously get annoyed in movies these days when they show a petite, little woman fight a huge man and she brings him down.  Seriously?  We’re different – I don’t want to fight like a man.  And I certainly don’t want my husband to knit like a girl…

Having said that though, we are all unique.  Besides for our gender differences, we have different personalities, and emotional needs.

And that is why it is so important to study your spouse – if you truly crave intimacy, and you truly want to love them well, you need to know them.

Shaunti Feldhahn has listed three ways in which a man can truly love his wife.  I get this – I get what she is saying, especially when it relates to a woman’s insecurity.  I often wonder whether I am worthy enough to be loved, valuable enough to be protected and loved enough to be wanted.  And then when I convince myself that I’m not, I push my husband away.  Why on earth would he want to be with me?  I carry, and I think many women do, a lot of self-doubt around with me.  I feel I can’t even ask him to stay behind if he gets invited out by friends, because why would he want to be with me anyway.  But, I like what Shaunti says:

So men, here’s the bottom line: practice studying your wife.  Don’t roll your eyes whenever you see what feels like a test.  (As you can imagine, that makes her self-doubt worse!)  Instead, use it as an opportunity to show her that she is someone who is lovable – and loved.  And if you build up that certainty in her, you’ll see those tests a lot less often.  Reference here.

But, ladies, we don’t get off so lightly either.  Our men may function differently than we do, but they need respect and they need us to believe in them.  Our studying them well will tell us how to believe in them, trust them and respect them – and how to show them that we do.

Ladies, our men need to see that we believe in them like this.  Yes, they will make mistakes.  So will we!  But we can still stand steadfastly by our man’s side regardless.  If we learn this truth we hold the key to our man’s heart… and to him becoming that great man he wants to be.  Reference here.

Did you read that, ladies?

If we learn this truth we hold the key to our man’s heart… AND TO HIM BECOMING THAT GREAT MAN HE WANTS TO BE.

It may be different for your husband, but I know that my husband wants to accomplish something with his life.  And my believing in him will get him there – get him going in the right direction.  And I do believe in him.  I know that he will accomplish great things.

So, intimacy today is about studying your spouse – knowing them as male or female, but also as individuals.  Learn how to love them well, so that maybe – just maybe – they can glimpse God’s love for them through you.

MY WORD FOR THE YEAR – 2016 / Intimacy – Time / Intimacy – Climbing a Wall / Intimacy – that one move! / Intimacy – Talking / Intimacy – Saying Sorry! / Intimacy – that one word / Intimacy – touch / Intimacy – those awkward moments / Intimacy – a sacrament… / Intimacy – Resting / Intimacy – Seven Red Flags / Intimacy – being separate / Intimacy – Never Giving Up / Intimacy – Honour / Intimacy – God / Intimacy – A new day… / Intimacy – Being True / Intimacy – Changing You / Intimacy – The Good, The Bad and The Ugly / Intimacy – Letting go of Fear / Intimacy – Rest

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