Intimacy -being separate

On Marriage
Kahlil Gibran

You were born together, and together you shall be forevermore.
You shall be together when the white wings of death scatter your days.
Ay, you shall be together even in the silent memory of God.
But let there be spaces in your togetherness,
And let the winds of the heavens dance between you.

Love one another, but make not a bond of love:
Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.
Fill each other’s cup but drink not from one cup.
Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf
Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone,
Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music.

Give your hearts, but not into each other’s keeping.
For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.
And stand together yet not too near together:
For the pillars of the temple stand apart,
And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other’s shadow.

No matter how you’ve been married, or how close you and your husband are, or how many things you do together during the day, you will still forever and for always be an unique individual.  Yes, you will grow with your husband and hopefully you will grow closer together the longer you are married.  I was so shy when my husband I met, and he has taught me to enjoy people and enjoy going out and socializing.  I would not have learnt that without him.

My hubby was not one to give into deep, introspective thought – and as I am really (really!!!) good at that, he has learnt to think through things a little more deeply.

So, there ways that we will grow and change as we live together and we get to know each other more intimately.  But, no matter how my poor hubby tries to get me up and going in the morning, I will always never be a morning person.  I wasn’t since the day I was born, and will probably not ever be a morning person until the day I die.  And he will always need to exercise – in fact, he is off doing a 361 km mountain bike race this weekend (and yes, I am super proud of him and a little in awe … 361 km is no small feat).  And when I asked him why (although I already knew the answer), it was so that he could see if he could do it or not.  He is adventurous and although I have learnt to be more adventurous, I am far more a home body than he.

So, no matter how we try -we will ALWAYS be the unique individuals that God created us to be.

But, more importantly than trying to become a carbon copy of your mate, is the idea of enjoying our individuality before God.  It is okay for me to be a home body, and it certainly is okay for my hubby to pursue his adventurous side.

We need to learn to love one other from the uniqueness of who we are, we need to communicate, love, respect and honour one other as unique and wonderful creations who are both made in God‘s image.

And in time, your relationship with develop three identities: you, your spouse and and that of your marriage.  It is okay to maintain the unique beauty of who you are, all the while you and your husband grow closer together.  I am allowed to enjoy reading, while he enjoys his bicycle.  He can cook, while I like to chat to him (while he is cooking).  And all these individual traits we are using to bring us closer together.

Remember who God made you to be…

Remember that God brought you together…

Remember that you are both unique as an individual, and as a couple.

Celebrate who you are.  Celebrate your marriage.  Celebrate that God loves you and is wildly crazy about you.  And your husband.  And it is important to put your trust not in your husband becoming like you, or you controlling your husband, or your marriage – but you put your trust in God. Solely and completely in God.  God is truly the one in control.  And then allow your spouse the freedom to be who God created them to be – that is not a licence to sin, or to indulge wicked fantasies, but a freedom to accept yourself as a created being in the image of God.  As is your spouse.














21 thoughts on “Intimacy -being separate

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