Intimacy – Climbing a Wall


Last week, I chatted about how I started to learn about how important time is in building intimacy.  I just wanted to clarify and say that many people – for various reasons and circumstances – are not physically with their spouses.  There are ways to build intimacy when you’re apart.

But, today, I want to focus on climbing the proverbial wall – you know the one.  The one that you feel is between you and your spouse, but you can’t quite just figure how or why it is there.  That was my experience this past week.  And it is something that Sheila Wray Gregoire speaks about often on her blog, To Love, Honour and Vacuum.  Hubby and I had not made love in over a week – there were reasons, but still somehow we were irritable with each other, and it honestly felt like there was a barrier between us.  I can’t quite explain it, but I am slowly but surely learning to understand just how important sex is in a marriage (sometimes the longest and most arduous journey is from your head to your heart).  I am probably right up top there with the most severe of gate-keepers and I never, ever in my life made the connection between feeling dissatisfied with my husband and feeling like there is a wall between us and the lack of sex in our marriage.

For some, I suppose, that may be a bit of a “duh” statement.

But, for me, it is revolutionary.

Sex is what keeps us united – and quite simply it is the one thing (in many cases, it is the only thing) that defines this relationship as something unique and different from all the other relationships in our lives.  If you’re not having with your husband, then you may as well just be roommates or housemates.  Now, please, I am not naive to think that just having sex will sort out many problems you may have.  Sometimes, there are some serious issues that need to be contended with first.  But, in my case, it does resolve so much of what we are facing as a couple.

Because last night we made love.

And today – that wall is gone.

I feel more relaxed and more at ease today.  And so does my hubby.

Sex is important to a marriage.  Very important.

As one commenter posted on Sheila’s blog (which is pretty much what I am trying to say here) – and this lady has been married for 40 years:

Oh, and another biggie…please don’t withhold sex just because you’ve been very hurt (when he doesn’t seem to notice and still initiates – or not); it so often is the solution to taking the stress out of the thick air between the two of you!  And then voila!!  the issue seems to becomes easier to resolve.  Believe me, it works, and I think that’s one of the many reasons God designed sex, besides the physical rewards.  So many complexities but so worth exploring!  Believe the Best

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