2. “Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves.” (Philippians 2.3)
This is the passage I most often use during wedding ceremonies. When a couple disagrees, the great danger is that their communication will devolve because of rivalry or conceit. If a couple can refuse to turn a disagreement into an argument to be won and will instead view it as a discussion to be had, communication will be much more effective. When a couple can’t disagree in a healthy way, it is likely because of rivalry. Kevin A. Thompson
It is so hard not to be selfish. I want to matter – I want to feel important, I want to feel like someone else cares about me more than themselves. I want to know that I count – my opinion counts. Don’t we all feel like that? I know that I do – I get frustrated when I can’t get my opinion across. I feel hurt when my feelings don’t count, when my opinion doesn’t matter – I cry out to God to make me feel included, to change the things as they are so that I can have an impact, so that I can feel important, included – part of the group. And even if my opinion or goal or objective is to help my spouse, all of this makes me more important than him.
If I love him to feel good about myself – it is my ego that is being stroked.
If I am good to him to please God, once again it is about MY pleasing God.
Never once in all of this is it true humility, true love, a true humbling of the heart – a true reflection of thinking someone else more than important than you. Even in a true, deep conversation with my husband, I want to offer a perspective so that he knows I am listening to him. You see, it’s all about me.
And so, it is with a humbling heart that I come before God and ask Him to forgive me – because none of this is ever really about me. And it shouldn’t be – it should be about God, first, and then about my husband. Truly about him.
I ask God to cleanse my heart of all selfishness so that I can truly honour, respect and love my husband – not for what I get out of it, but for what he will get.
I pray that God will give me the grace and strength to put myself aside, and to focus on my husband, his needs, to never complete with him, but to allow him the grace to grow into the man God has created him to be.
I am too weak to do this, but I ask that the Holy Spirit give me the strength.
In Jesus Name