Giving myself permission to be a sexually charged wife is hard. It is not something that my brain seems able to compute or even register. However, what has happened this last week is that I can feel I am becoming more aware. More aware of when last, how long ago, the silences, the absence – all of that is filtering through into my consciousness.
And awareness is wonderful.
What I am battling with though is that I have a long day, with a hectic work schedule and financial issues of note and so to find the time, and the space, and the peace of mind to give attention to these issues is quite hard. And so, very often this last week, this whole issue just fell by the wayside. At night, after a long day, I am just too tired. Morning’s I get up early, but there is so much to do.
But, this is not an excuse.
But, often my tummy is in knots with the pressure we’re under – work and financials – that being intimate with my man is honestly the furthest thing from my mind.
Last night we had a huge argument about finances. I took some frustration out on Baby Girl by shouting at her for something had asked her three or four times not to do – I don’t very often shout at her, and I felt horrible.
And what did I want to do?
Make love to my man.
I think, quite honestly, that was a first. Before, I would always hide myself further away from him or anyone when I feel so much stress, but I wanted to, desire to, be close to him intimately. Sure, that must be a walk in the right direction?
In today’s post, Pearl encourages us to drink-in…
“….And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbour as yourself,’” Matthew 22:39.
“God saw all that he had made, and it was very good…” Genesis 1:31.
POSITIVE THOUGHT (positive verb: drink-in)
I love myself enough to drink in the thought that I am beautiful in God’s eye. I drink in the thought I am beautiful in my husband’s eye. I drink in the thought that my beauty is defined by God and nowhere else. I drink in that my naked beauty is sexually attractive.
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The thought of me being beautiful, or being seen as beautiful, makes me cringe. There is nothing, nothing, about myself that I like. I have just kind of learned to live with myself. And yet, there must be something about me – I mean, my husband chose me out of any and every woman he had ever met. So, okay – this week I am going to start to think of myself as being beautiful. Not because I can see it, but because God created me.
14 I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; marvellous are Your works, And that my soul knows very well.