The idea being an active pursuit to understand whatever it is you need to understand. That was last week’s post from Pearl from the Oyster Bed. And just after I wrote this post last week, I got what I think is a vision from God. God showed me a huge, wooden door. And on the other side of the door is everything my heart ever desired. A good, strong and healthy marriage with my man – fun, laughter, sexual intimacy, safety, a life lived full of abundance. But I was standing on the wrong side of the door. I knew that all that I wanted was waiting there for me, but I was too scared to go through. Something was holding me back – fear, ignorance, pride, arrogance. Whatever it was (or is) I could not bring myself to knock on the door and go through. And it was as if God was encouraging me to go through this door – His blessings are waiting there for me.
That vision has played itself over and over in my head again and again.
I know that I need to walk through that door, but it is so hard. I am so scared of getting hurt and I realise that my huge distrust of life (which is the sole cause of all my anxiety) has led to me withholding myself from my husband and this abundant life that God has promised me.
Psalm 46:10 New International Version (NIV)
10 He says, “Be still, and know that I am God;
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth.”
And so my prayer is, and I suppose always has been, is for God to create in me a new heart; a braver heart. A heart that will grab all the blessings that God has promised me, that are mine in His name, including a healthy, strong and intimate love life with my husband. These are mine for the taking.
In His name.
And so, after praying this prayer this week and giving much thought to this, I find it quite amazing that Pearl’s reading for today is thus (I do not read these posts beforehand):
“I’ll give you a new heart; put a new spirit in you. I’ll remove the stone heart from your body and replace it with a heart that’s God-willed, not self-willed. I’ll put my Spirit in you and make it possible for you to do what I tell you and live by my commands,” Ezekiel 36:26 (The message)
“I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit within you; I will remove your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh,” Ezekiel 36:26 (Holman Christian Standard Bible)
“A new heart also will I give you, and a new spirit will I put within you: and I will take away the stony heart out of your flesh and I will give you a heart of flesh,” Ezekiel 36:26 (King James Version)
POSITIVE THOUGHT (positive verb: give)
I give myself permission to be a sexually charged wife.
Isn’t that amazing? So, I believe I am on the right track. It is vitally important to me to honour God and my husband (in that order), and part of that – for me – is learning to live life in abundance; to no longer allow fear to hold my back. God is, after all, God – the sovereign God who created the Heavens and the Earth.
Now allow me to answer some questions that Pearl poses under today’s post:
How do you feel about looking at yourself au natural?
I don’t like it. I cover up and hide myself away. I really feel quite uncomfortable – I don’t like how I look.
If it makes you feel embarrassed, disconcerted, flustered, or even disgusted, then your negative body image may be an area that is sabotaging your libido. This week’s affirmation helps create a positive body attitude.
I do think Pearl is right in this regard – I don’t have a positive body image at all, which is why I have allowed myself to gain so much weight. I don’t care much for this body I am in (or myself) and it shows…