In my journey in walking away from being a gatekeeping wife, I have come across a 52 week course in renewing our minds on this very subject. I have come to realize that no matter what obstacles we face in life, we aren’t going to get anywhere unless we start to renew our minds. And it is only by God’s grace that true renewal can take place – deep down to a cellular level.
We cannot do this on our own.
It saddens me deeply to think that my husband thinks he is not loved. He is very much-loved. By me, by our daughter, but most importantly, by the Good Lord who knows every details of his life, his wishes, his dreams and loves him intimately and with an understanding in a way that I never could.
However, if you read Abigail Alleman, you will realize that sexual intimacy between a husband and his wife IS God expressing His love, it is His intimate display of love and affection for that husband and wife. As Abigail puts it, “making love is like touching Heaven.” It is God touching our hearts and letting us know we are loved – in our most intimate and vulnerable of experiences, when there is no place to hide, we are loved. Truly and deeply loved.
And for a man, this is critically important – a woman can feel loved by flowers or roses or gifts of doing the chores, or whatever your love language is. But a man – a man needs sex to feel loved.
I love my husband.
I love everything about him.
I love the way he smiles, or the way he teases me when I’m in a bad mood, or how he always gets me to laugh, or lighten up. I love the fact that he is fit and healthy and slim – when most men his age are suffering from serious weight gain (middle age). I love his interest in things and his interest in people. I love the fact that he is a gracious host – always looking to ensure that our guests are comfortable and respected.
I love what a good father he is and how much he adores Baby Girl.
And I love how he has provided for this family when we’ve experienced two retrenchments in one family, and somehow managed to keep it all going financially – even though still very tight.
I love how he feels, how he tastes. I love the feel of him, his arms around me.
So, why can’t I show love to this one man in the way he most needs me to?
Well, I think there are a myriad of reasons – from being extremely uncomfortable with my own sexuality, to pure laziness, to not always understanding what is required from me to, etc, etc, etc… But, enough of the excuses.
I want this man to know how much he is loved. And so I, over the next 52 weeks, will be doing an Unlock Your Libido series from Pearl’s Oysterbed. I’m not even going to tell hubby about it, as I am quite sure he is sick and tired of all the promises, and intentions that I always talk to him about. This time I want to show him through action. And then, perhaps once my mind has been thoroughly renewed, I can then show him what I have been working on.
Sound like a plan? I think it does.
And even if it doesn’t completely work, I will be walking in the right direction – one step at a time. Eventually, I will arrive at my destination. But, I do hope to be telling you a very different story in 52 weeks’ time.
Right – let’s go. Week 1…
For a thorough introduction on what Pearl hopes to achieve, please hop on over to her blog to read the background to this 52 week challenge.
“Be very careful about what you think. Your thoughts run your life,” Proverbs 4:23, (International Children’s Bible).
“Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life,” Proverbs 4:23 (King James Version).
“Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it,” Proverbs 4:23 (New International Version).
POSITIVE THOUGHT (positive verb: hold)
I will hold thoughts about sexual intimacy with my husband as good, pleasurable, sweet and something I want to participate in. I will hold thoughts about sexual intimacy with my husband as God-ordained and fully cementing our bond as husband and wife.
As low-libido wives, if we continue to use our own judgment (based on our physical nature) for what makes a strong marriage, we will end up unfulfilled and living without the complete cemented bond of marriage.
Let’s release OUR ideas and embrace God’s. Let’s release our old notion of libido. Let’s follow Christ’s words that in losing our life to serve Him, we will gain far more than our OWN judgment would ever bring us. Serving Christ includes doing everything in our power to enhance our marriage and allowing God to bring it into alignment with his view.
So, for the next week, I am going to view sex as positive, healthy, pleasurable and something I want to initiate and partake in…