Today is day 27 of Jennifer Smith’s 30 day devotional, Wife After God.
The thought that God can love me through my fear and anxiety, and that He can love me just as I am, that I am not worthless (although I am unworthy, as we all are) blows my mind. This God, this great God who created the Heavens and the earth in seven days, loves me. It scares me. It scares me to think that this God could want what is best for me, that he knows me, and knows what will work for me and what won’t. And that even in my darkest moments of panic and fear, He is still there, loving me. Really just loving me. It is mind-blowing to say the least. Yesterday, I had panic that lasted through until this morning. I was felt so frazzled, because of a weekend away (this weekend) – I know how nervous I get. And when I couldn’t sleep last night because I felt fearful and anxious, I just kept quoting, “God did not give me a spirit of fear, but of power, love and a sound mind.” And eventually I did fall asleep. And I slept well. And I had a good breakfast this morning. You see, this is my issue, but God was with me the whole time. And what I have realised is this: it doesn’t matter what I feel. What matters is what I believe. I can trust God, and be intimate with God irrespective of my fear and anxiety. My anxiety does not dictate God’s blessings in my life – choosing to believe in God, and His will, does.
It isn’t easy – because often those feelings are so overwhelming it is hard to discern what is truth, and what is fantasy (or negative thinking). That is why you need to know God’s word. His word is always truth.
“Just as God pursued Adam and Eve, He pursues you. God loves you more than you will ever comprehend. His love motivates His pursuit. He will use everything around you to point your heart to His. He will woo you with His affection and He desires to walk by your side. No matter how old you are, no matter what you have done in your past, no matter what sin you have committed, God loves you and His love is persistently pursuing an intimate relationship with you.” Reference Wife After God.
Dear Lord, thank you for touching my life. Thank you for wanting to love me, and make me whole. Thank you for wanting what is best for me. Thank you that no matter what I have done, there is no need to hide away, because while you are just, you are also love. And you love me. You love my husband. And you love my family. Thank you for that love. Help me to love my husband and family with the same depth and commitment as you love me. I thank you for bringing my husband into my life. In Jesus’ name, AMEN!