Pure Passion :: From Holding Back to Running Free {#purepassion}

But, I’m starting to hear more loudly the other side of the doubts.  I’m coming alive to the amazing possibilities of the abundant life Jesus promises in John 10:10.  It’s a verse that has often been misconstrued to mean something totally different than what Jesus intended.He meant us to be in Him and His Gospel in a way that nothing can shake.  He wants us to live like the eternal life and forever Home he offers with Himself is where we are going and NOTHING will change that.

Isn’t it strange how often we choose to live in fear?  I know that I make that choice subconsciously all the time.  Reacting to and living in fear is so part of our mind-set that we don’t even know we are doing it.  Until an amazing man comes into your life and points it out to you and then you begin to realise that you are holding back – because of fear, or whatever other reason you use to justify it to yourself, but you are holding back.  To truly live that abundant life in Christ, you have to be free.  Free from bondage, free from negative thinking and free from holding back.  Christ did come so that we may be free – not free to do whatever we wanted, but free to embrace life for all that it has to offer us.  I have lived in fear to long – anxiety has dominated my thoughts and waking moments and dreams for too long – I am ready, so ready, to let go of living in fear and to embrace my life, my husband and our sexuality.  Will I succeed at getting this right straight away?  Probably not.  But, I do know that I need to walk this path to live a life that is abundant in all the goodness that God has in store for me.  So, I may fail today, and tomorrow, and the next day – but my chances of success are much greater walking this path than this wallowing in fear the whole time.

And most importantly, you need to realise that fear takes away from sex, from intimacy with your husband – you cannot embrace freedom with your husband and live in fear at the same time.  As Abigail says in today’s post:

 There’s the fear of being exposed, naked and vulnerable, only to be found wanting.  This is when I live in lies that I am not enough.  But also, I think that God somehow wants to take away everything but give nothing.   I KNOW, REALLY, REALLY KNOW that these are lies.  Yet, how am I living?  There are no guarantees of how things will turn out in this life.  Tragedy fills our news feeds and comes in a million ways each day.  For me, and I think many women, this can lead to a lot of fear.  We become afraid to risk.  But, it’s in the risk that we step past fear and experience life.  It’s how God intends it to be.  Because in the risk, we need to trust Him.  We live out of the truth that He is goodnothing can separate us from His love, and that love is ultimately perfect, casting out all fear.  You see, no matter how wonderful our husbands are, there are heart places that open the door to deeper, fuller intimacy {yes, great sex} that they cannot open for us.  This is something only we, in faith, can do.  And we need to recognize that fulfilling sex is something God wants for our marriages, but also for us as women.

I would really encourage you to hop over to Abigail’s blog and read for yourself – her advise is so down to earth, and so honest and true.  The Devil wants to destroy marriages, because it is in the destruction of marriage that he can harvest a family, a community, and so much more.  And of course you – there is you.  If your marriage is destroyed, Satan gets you!  And his best weapon – fear.  If you fear, you are held in bondage – you are not free to pursue your husband, a good marriage, an abundant life because you are held captive by fear and your negative thinking.

So, when we learn to run free in the bedroom the angels rejoice.  There is victory in our silly, crazy, sexy journey.  We’re willing to try new things.  And when they don’t go well, we laugh and so do our husbands.  We live in faith that we will experience God through sex as we keep choosing freedom instead of fear.  And we don’t give up.  And we help each other to remember.  It is a great journey, but it IS a journey.  There will still be exhaustion, stress, struggles, fears and doubts, but the choice is clear.  And running free is how we are meant to be.

And that I think for me is the crux of the matter – it is a journey.  And I know that I am failing at present – but I will keep choosing my husband, my marriage and greater sexual intimacy until…  until that day comes when it is no longer a choice, but a necessity for me, because I can no longer live in fear or bondage anymore or live without the intimacy that marriage requires.

Thank you to Abigail Alleman who, through her Passion Series, is opening my eyes…  may they continue to open until our intimacy has reached a level that my husband truly knows that he is wanted, desired and that he matters.  May we no longer believe the lies or  live in fear.

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