Have you ever had those days when you just feel like you do everything wrong? And I mean everything. There are times when I feel like I just can’t make my husband happy. No matter what I do, or how I do it, it is wrong. It hurts me – and what happens is that I try to live up to this standard that I cannot live up to, because even if I got there, it just feels like it would be wrong anyway. And it puts a lot of pressure on me, and strain on our marriage.
And yes, I know that my husband loves me.
Of this, I have no doubt.
And I also know that this is probably a symptom of something he is going through – something he needs to find peace about in his own mind and probably (hopefully?) has very little to do with me. But, that does not prevent me from reacting negatively, even aggressively perhaps, and definitely hurt when I constantly feel like I don’t measure up – like I have to protect myself…
I’m too fat.
I’m not sexy enough.
I made the chicken soup differently.
I haven’t cleaned the house properly.
I turned the garden services away, because I didn’t want to be home alone while they were working, resulting in my hubby having to cut the lawn himself.
I don’t spend enough time with our daughter.
I feel like there is no room for me and that to please him, I need to do everything the way that he would do it.
But, God did not make us to be identical – He made us to be complimentary. And there is a huge difference between the two.
And although it does cause strain when one partner is clearly unhappy, I need to realise and focus on the fact that I need to be a wife who pleases God. Whatever issue my hubby is facing at the moment, he needs to make peace with that – in his time, in his way – and although I do desperately want to make him happy, and not making him happy scares me more than anyone can know, I need to always remember that it is not my job to make anyone happy. Not my hubby’s. And not Baby Girl’s. Neither is it their job to make me happy.
We are each responsible for ourselves. For our own happiness at least, and then we are responsible to live our lives to the best of our ability – and while achieving that may be complex – the only standard we need to adhere to is what God tells us in His word.
And yes, I know that I fail on that. All. The. Time.
But, God knows my heart and He knows my husband’s heart – and He knows that we are both quite simply trying to do the best we can. And we need to accept that going through hard times, or a season of difficulty, does not make it our spouse’s fault. It’s just life, perhaps, or God trying to grow us and mature our faith.
(Please don’t think I am innocent in all this, there are often many times I take out my frustrations on my husband without even realising that I am doing this.)
And I also know that these little lies the devil tells us, that lead to feelings of dissatisfaction, are just that lies – and that God can bring beauty from the ashes! He can and He will, because marriage is probably the singularly most important aspect of human relations to Him. It is how His love is displayed here on earth – the covenant between a man and his wife represents the covenant between God and His people. And the devil will mess with that whenever and how ever he can.