Day 17: His Wife First

I think this is a battle for all moms – you’re in hospital (or wherever you’ve had your babe) and once you’ve delivered, they hand you this tiny little precious bundle of joy and your heart melts.  And everything else just pales in comparison.  This tiny little person is dependent on you for survival.  You need to keep this little baby alive – and they do so demand your attention.

And your husband?

Well, he is a grown man.  He can cook (at least he can endeavour a meal – even if he has to go buy it) and so who gets your attention?

Well, your baby of course.

And who gets ALL your time and attention?

Definitely your baby.  Of course.

Your baby is completely and totally reliant on you – for everything.  And to be honest, part of all that anxiety that I felt in those early days (you can read about it here) is that I was so focused on this demanding little girl, that I pushed hubby aside.  Completely.  And somehow, amazingly, he understood what an adjustment this was for me and he supported me however he could.  Thank God for my man.

But, what we women tend to forget is that our little babes need a family that is complete and whole and functioning.  And neglecting the primary relationship that is the basis and the reason for the family existing in the first place, will ensure that the family unit is NOT complete and whole and functioning.

In today’s post at 31 Days to a Better Marriage Series, Kela Nellums gives some great ideas on how to focus on your marriage first.  But, remember, its not so much about what you do and don’t do, but more about the fact that in your mind and in your attitude you prioritize your marriage first and foremost.  Your actions will then naturally flow from that – so get your mind and your thoughts in the right place.

Romans 12:2

Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.  Reference here.

There are many times that my husband and I are asked, “How do you do it all?“  They wonder how we keep it together and make our marriage a priority with all of the kids that we have.

  • My first response is always, “By the grace of God.” but I know they’re looking for more substance and “how to” than that.
  • I’ve found myself needing to examine my heart first.  Self is the best place to start because I’m the primary nourisher of our children since I’m home with them daily.  I can become more attached to their lives, joys and issues than my husband sees or knows.  It can be hard to detach. 
  • I purpose to think about my husband.  Not just pray for him, but to sit and think about him in a positive way.   Finding the good and seeing him as Christ see him.  If I was upset with him, I have to choose to let it go.
  • Remember that our children see how my husband and I treat each other and respond to each other.  We are their first teachers; good and bad.  I want them to know and learn how to make their marriage a priority.
  • Don’t allow the children to interrupt my conversations or interaction with my husband.  This actually speaks volumes in my husband knowing that I value our time and his words to me.
  • Date regularly.  It can be dinner and a movie, a stroll in your neighborhood, any crazy/cool thing happening in your town or city, or just a drive across town, dream building (my favorite has always been Saturday Open Houses in the nicer neighborhoods).  We do talk about the children, but they aren’t the only conversation.  We DO like to talk about the thing that made all those babies, though ;) .  Hey!  We’re in love and we want to keep it that way.  What better way than to talk about things we’re passionate about…each other.  We also talk about our personal dreams and goals, Spiritual conversations (we LOVE talking about God’s Word), and where we’re going as a couple.
  • Seek to be a positive influence in someone else’s marriage.  This is where the teacher becomes the student.  When we know that someone else is watching, it makes us mindful of our marriage.  It helps us to quickly seek each other’s best interest, to see the log in our own eye first, to be a better team.

Reference here.

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