Day 9: Being His Friend

Cover of "Amazing Love (Corrie Ten Boom L...
Cover of Amazing Love (Corrie Ten Boom Library)

This is an area that hubby and I are busy failing miserably.  And I have a sneaky suspicion, that if we could focus and rebuild our friendship, all the other issues – including our reactions to the financial stress we are experiencing – will somehow miraculously diminish.  I have a very strong suspicion that I am right.

It’s not that we’re not friends – we are – we’re just not as good friends as what we used to be.  There is so much water under the bridge with all that we have had to face, that staring at the stupid TV screen at night is a far more appealing option.  But, this I do know – I have married an amazing man, and we used to be best friends and we used to only need each other for company and we used to have such an amazing love and relationship, we used to be the envy of all our family and friends.  And I know that all that is lying dormant and it is time to water it and nurture it so that it can once again grow.  In fact, I see it as the foundation for what we have now – we have a strong foundation and good roots.  We just need to keep building on that.  Sounds simple, but not always so easy to do.

From the moment we take our vows, we are committing to a life time with our mate.  A lifetime that will bring ups and sometimes, even some downs.  A lifetime that will bring love and happiness.  However, if there is no friendship within the marriage, it is going to be a long and lonely life time.  Friendship within the marriage is vital.  Friendship brings about a closeness between two people.  Friendship improves intimacy.


In today’s post from the 31 Days to a Better Marriage series,  Jenifer Metzger gives us 8 strategies for being his friend.  But, the most important piece of advice she gives is this:  Never give up.

If you do these eight things and feel like he is not responding to your plea for friendship, keep pressing on.  Don’t give up on the idea and plan for friendship.  Remember that to have a friend, we must be a friend.  Continue to be his friend and let God work in him.

Talk to each other. 

Hubby and I do not get much time to talk.  And if the opportunity does present itself, we are so consumed by stress and anxiety and financial worries, that conversation does not flow easily.  But, we both do recognise the importance of talking – just talking.  It doesn’t always have to be a deep meaningful, soul baring conversation, but for those deep meaningful, soul baring conversations to happen, the lines of communication need to be open.  And the only way to keep them open is to talk – about anything and everything.


Hubby and I are very serious.  We are naturally serious people, and now will all the anxiety regarding our finances, we are even more serious.  And we need to laugh.  Really laugh.  From the belly kind of laugh.  At this stage it actually feels unnatural to laugh like that, because there is so much stress.  But, once again, I have a sneaky suspicion that if we could really laugh, many of our issues and fears and anxieties will be totally diminished.

Do things he enjoys too.

It’s not all about us.  Sometimes we need to do things our guy likes.  If he is into building things, be the girl standing next to him passing him tools.  If he enjoys watching football, learn the sport and buy yourself a cute jersey.  I am not saying become a die hard football fan, but watching the occasional game with him will tell him that you care about his passions.

I actually really enjoy attending hubby’s cycle races.  We always have such a great time.  And I will continue to do so, because I really enjoy it.  And I know that he enjoys having us there.

Never stop learning about him.

Another very important point that Jenifer Metzger mentions – no matter how long you’ve been married, the flow and dynamic in life will ensure that things always change.  And if you don’t intentionally grow together, you will land up growing apart  Always learn about him – each and every day.

Be a listening ear for him.

We need to be a listening ear for our man.  Men don’t always share as often or in the same way women do, but they still need to know we are here to listen.

Seek his counsel.

It is my belief that God created man to be head of the home for a reason.  So, seek your husband’s counsel – I have been surprised many, many times by how spot-on my husband can be in situations where I have sought his advise on something.  And I know that I can trust him completely.

Offer grace and forgiveness.

We all goof up from time to time.  We all need grace and we all need forgiveness.  How come we are quick to offer a girlfriend grace when she wrongs us or has an attitude, but when our husband hurts us, we hold onto that grudge for awhile?  Give him some grace.  Forgive him and let it go.

Pray for him.

Pray is the most important thing we can do in our lives.  It’s the motivator and the encourager to get God to move on our behalf, and it changes us in the process, and it changes situations.  When you have no other alternative, and it feels like life is at its worse, just pray.  And pray for yourself too.  And for your family and your work and everything.  God moves mightily on the wings of prayer – if you want God to perform miracles in your life and in your marriage, you need to start praying.

Its obviously a theme God is working on at the moment, because if you go to To Love, Honour and Vacuum, you’ll see a similar theme with basically the same ideas as above.  Click over there – there is some great advice on that website.


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