I think this blog post was written exclusively with me in mind. Here, the author of today’s post – Bonny Burns – at Jolene Engel’s 31 Days to a Better Marriage, speaks about how to connect with your husband.
Sex was a problem.
Steamy chemistry ignited first romance with my husband and sealed our marriage. It was like magic. Fifteen years later, where was it now?
Somehow we had slipped into a place of misery.
My gestures of love for him were met with hostility. The ways I knew to show my love didn’t include physical intimacy. We were at odds.
As his frustration grew, his talking ceased. I felt rejected. Who wants to make love when you feel misunderstood and empty?
Counseling didn’t quite work. Books helped some. Then the Lord sent a marriage class into our life. The insight was stunning.
It boiled down to this. The invisible barrier between our hearts included two parts: my husband’s unwillingness to talk freely with me and my unwillingness to have sex with him.
The secret to our magic’s disappearance? We emotionally connect in two totally separate ways. Conversation is my key and sex is his. If neither of these is happening, we are miserable.
God’s design of our complementary natures is amazing!
A low libido wife doesn’t crave sexual intimacy. However, it is most excellent for her physical, emotional and, yes even spiritual health. A husband might not crave emotional intimacy through conversation. However, it promotes health for him, too.
And it does worry me – even after reading Sheila Gregoire’s book, 31 Days to Great Sex, I can’t say that my libido has all of a sudden skyrocketed And the lack of conversation is cause for concern for me. And I know, cognitively I know, that I need to meet my husband’s needs in order for him to meet mine. But, getting up at 05:00, driving a hard day, etc (nothing special compared to any other mother on this planet), by the time we can be intimate and Baby Girl has finally gone to sleep, I am totally and utterly exhausted. But, I need to stop using that as an excuse, because the one thing that I have learnt in all my reading, is that God created intimacy for a purpose. And that purpose is to keep husbands and wives together.
I remember an old pastor of ours, some years ago, always used to say,
“Sometimes the longest journey is from our head to our heart…”
And I am now only really beginning to understand what that means. In my head, I know exactly what I need to do, and I am so willing to do those things because I want my husband to know how much I love him and how much I want him. In my heart, sometimes, tiredness or exhaustion or stress or lack of conversation takes over and all my good intent goes out the window.
“Keep watching and praying that you may not enter into temptation; the spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.”
Having said that though, the only way anything will make the journey from your head to your heart is to know where you need to be. I know that I need to be more intimate with my husband, and I know that if I keep reading and learning, eventually that knowledge will work its way down into my heart and then nothing will be able to stop me…
All through prayer and God’s grace…
- Version 77 Day 7: A Wife’s Prescription to Connecting with Her Husband (lie77.wordpress.com)
- 10 Christian Intimacy Tips (mademan.com)
- Day 7: A Wife’s Prescription to Connecting with Her Husband (joleneengle.com)
- How To Cope With Christian Marriage Intimacy Issues (mademan.com)
- How Has Having Kids Changed Your Sex Life? (everydayfamily.com)
- Day 84 (thetarnishedknight.wordpress.com)
- What To Do When There’s No Intimacy In Marriage (jhondell987.wordpress.com)
- Having Real Intimacy In Marriage (blackchristiannews.com)
- How To Deal WIth Relationship Intimacy Issues (mademan.com)
- Let’s Talk About Sex, Baby: How to Feel Intimate with Your Growing Belly (everydayfamily.com)