Day 4: You Wish He Would Change

Husbands & Wifes
Husbands & Wifes (Photo credit: nerosunero)

I’m not sure if this is a blessing or a curse, but I have always been painfully aware of my need to change and to grow.  I have always known that I have not had good role models when it comes to marriage or sustaining a relationship for the long haul and so my prayer has always been to change me and to make me the kind of person who can make this marriage work.  And perhaps that is a blessing – because you see, no matter how much I could or would wish my hubby to change, he never will.  I cannot control him.  At all.  In fact, in bouts of anxiety and panic, I can barely control myself – never mind still trying to control someone else.  But, I now see it as a blessing that I am so willing to work on who I am – even if a painful and hurtful past is the stimulant to that – because it allows God’s grace to work in me…

And of course there are areas in my hubby’s life that I do pray over.  But, my goal has always been to work on me.  On who I am.  To undo the damage done by my parents and to focus on what is good and pure and proper and true.

Having said that though, I do complain and grumble, as all wives do, about certain things that make me unhappy.  And I hear some of my girlfriends speak about their husbands and sometimes I even get embarrassed at how they rant and rave about things or areas in their hubby’s lives that they want (demand) changed.

In Jolene Engel’s 31 Days to a Better Marriage, Christy Fitzwater gives 10 ideas on what to do when you are plagued by negativity regarding your husband or just wishing he would change:

  1. Beware your expectation that your husband be perfect.

  2. Toss the “serve me” mentality and replace it with an “I will serve you.”

  3. Take the gospel to the annoyance. Remember, you annoyed God –were his enemy even –and he chose to love you while you were unchanged. (See Romans 5:8.) We should mirror the same grace to our husbands.

  4. If your husband is well-intentioned toward you, let that truth override the petty areas where you find him lacking.

  5. Annoyance and gratitude can’t fill the same space.  When that pet peeve strikes again, make a list of 10 ways your man is awesome, and see if those bitter thoughts don’t dissipate.

  6. Consider his perspective.

  7. To pray or to hound him?  Choose prayer.  We cannot succeed in nagging a man into being perfect.  Be quiet toward your husband and speak much to God, starting first with prayers regarding your own attitude.  When your attitude toward your husband is perfectly in line with the humble attitude of Christ, then you may start praying about your husband changing.

  8. Start verbally thanking your man for the things he does well.

  9. Thank God you have a husband.

  10. Obey Paul’s words to “Do everything without grumbling.” (Philippians 2:14 NIVDo marriage without grumbling.


We are all a “Work in Progress”; ourselves and our husbands.  We need to be gentle with ourselves.  And we need to be gentle with our husbands.  And pray, pray, pray!!!

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