Day 3: When He Needs You Most

Cover of "The Helper (Catherine Marshall ...
Cover of The Helper (Catherine Marshall Library)

This third day in Jolene Engel’s series, 31 Days to a Better Marriage had me really stumped.  You see, my hubby is a free spirit and he is very independent and self sufficient.  He cooks, he cleans, and he gets himself out there and socialising.  He can run his life without any aid from me – at all.  And I know the house will be clean, good food will be cooked and all the nitty-gritty details taken care of.  And there have been many times in our 14 year marriage that I have wondered if he actually needs me.

And he does.

He needs me to believe in him.

And I do.

He needs to know that I believe in him to achieve all his dreams, and our dreams, and I know he can do it.  He needs me the most when he is filled with self-doubt.  He doesn’t need me to cook and clean, as much as what he needs me to just get him.  Who he is – as person.

And in many ways I do.  I get his need to exercise every day.  And I get his need to partake in cycle events and to try new things.  And I get his need to have other people in his life and to socialise – even if I am a complete homebody.  And I get his need to always be doing something – even when I could happily just sit and read the whole day.  In so many ways, we are so alike and in so many ways we are completely different.  And I think he needs me to mostly just let him know that he is okay.  He is wonderful and beautiful and amazing – just as he is.

Do you hear it ladies?  Do you see the real call to us that was intended with our Ezer title?  Comrade.  Ally.  One who fights beside them.  Rescuer.  Lifesaver.  One who fights for them.  Perfect Compliment.  One who they can’t win without.  The word is used to describe our God, our Great Ezer.  And us as wives.

There will be a time when he needs us most.  When he is undervalued or unfulfilled at a job he knows provides for his family.  When he is feeling sorrow and grief that he doesn’t know how to express.  When he is struggling in sin.  When he is is fighting a battle within his own mind and heart and the odds seem to be against him.  And that is the place when it is so easy to pull away, because the words sting and the sin betrays and the man who stands before you now does not even resemble the one who stood before you as you said those vows.

But it is when he needs you most.


And I think that sums it up so nicely – fight for your man.  Fight for your marriage.  Fight for your love.  Not with – for

The truth is all of our marriages are in a battle.  We have an enemy who seeks to steal and destroy.  We are under the constant barrage of a culture that gives us an arsenal of justifications for waving the white flag of defeat.  We need to stop fighting each other and realize we have a common enemy.  Fight the good fight for your man and your marriage, because this may just be when he needs you most.


And it is my prayer that each and every day that God gives me the grace, the wisdom and the understanding to support and love my husband in the way he needs me to.  I am weak and often I wonder where I will get the strength to do just that –

13 I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.

I want to love and honour this man in the way he needs me to – I want him to know how very special he is, and I know that my anxiety is the foothold to not achieve that, but through God’s grace I pray that I will.  In everything that we do and who we are as people.  I have long since known, when I first met hubby, that my sole purpose in this life is to be his help and support – may I never lose sight of that.


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