Day 2: What Kind of Wife Does He Need Me to Be?

Wife Wanted (1946 film)
Wife Wanted (1946 film) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

As you all know from reading both this blog and my other blog,, I come from a family that knows, in fact – thrives, on putting fun back into dysfunctional.  My parents, although married for 33 years, could have divorced after two years of marriage.  And they lived that out every day of their married lives – until my mother eventually did walk away (a fact I now seriously suspects she highly regrets – but what is done is now done).

Anyway, early in my marriage, hubby and I were having a heated argument about something.  I can’t remember what we were fighting about, but I remember storming out of the house and getting in my car to leave.  Walk away.  And as I sat in the car, to scared to really go, but wanting to threaten to get the reaction from him that I wanted, I knew that I didn’t know what to do.  This was not how you handle a marriage – not one that you wanted to work out in the end anyway.  And I went back inside and hubby and I resolved our differences.  Later that night, I had an epiphany, or revelation, a vision – call it what you will – but I realised that the only person who would react like that in a heated argument was my mother.  And that is not the kind of wife I wanted to be.  That has never happened again.  I have not allowed it, and when hubby and I disagree about something – which we do often – we handle it with far more respect to each other than we did that awful night.

Ever since then, I have been asking myself – what kind of wife does he need me to be?  There are many things that come to mind, but loyal, sexy, intelligent are but a few that I can think of right now.  And I think he wants someone to really get him – to understand what he is about, who he really is…  And I do.  In many ways, but may be still not enough.  I pray each and every day that God will clean all the ugliness out of my heart and brain, and mould me and make me into the kind of wife that my hubby needs me to be.  After all, God created my hubby, surely He would know better than I could ever what he needs in a wife?

Lisa Jacobson, the author of today’s post in 31 Days to a Better Marriage, gives some great insight into the kind of wife she wants to be for her husband:

Kind.  I didn’t realize when we began how much he would need me to show him kindness.  That he’d need a wife who was thoughtful and gracious toward him.  It makes such a difference in our communication if my manner is gentle and my words are sweet.  He needs a kind wife.

Loyal.  Who would have guessed that this would be so important to him?  But I’m telling you, it’s a Big Deal.  He needs to know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that I’m behind him all the way.  Over the years, I’ve become downright feisty in my loyalty to him.  I’m standing by my man.

Respectful.  Okay, so I thought I did respect him.  But I had to learn how to demonstrate that respect in ways that proved it to him.  It wasn’t only in what I said, but how I said it.  It was also in what I did and the choices I made.  All of these combined to communicate the kind of regard I had for him.  He needs my respect.

Prayerful.  You might say marriage has made a dramatic impact on my prayer life.  So much to bring before our God: our relationship, for protection, and for growth and understanding.  I’ve come to see that a wife is not nearly as effective as the Holy Spirit when it comes to helping him – or me – change our ways.  He needs a woman faithful in prayer.

With an eye to the future.  When I was young and newly-married, I mostly thought in terms of what I wanted and felt in the moment.  So when things were tough, I was tempted to give up or walk away.  But a strong marriage requires long-term thinking.  Now I remind myself of what I want our marriage to look like in 5 years.  Or 10 years.  Or another 20.  I’m a woman with hopes and dreams for our future together.


I would add one more to Lisa Jacobson’s list above – I know that my husband wants me to be a sexy wife.  A wife who desires him sexually and who wants to be intimate with him.

Once again, thank you to Jolene Engle for allowing me to use her series, 31 Days to a Great Marriage.  I have not yet been through the whole series, I am working through it one day at a time – with you.


2 thoughts on “Day 2: What Kind of Wife Does He Need Me to Be?

  1. Thanks for linking my blog! This was a good read for me as a husband. I need to think about what kind of husband my wife needs me to be 🙂 I really enjoy doing the marriage series on Friday’s with my wife on my blog. I’m learning more and more about her just writing together with her for those posts.


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