Unfaithful (2002 film)
Unfaithful (2002 film) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Sometimes choosing is hard.  Very hard.  Or should I say, sometimes choosing correctly is hard.  When your hubby has ignored you the whole day, and you have mounting financial debt and no idea on how you are going to recover, and you’re not feeling great, and you and hubby haven’t made love in while, and work is stressful, and there is no food in the house, and your child keeps getting sick and there is so much going on and all you want to do is leave it all behind.

To find some peace out there.

It’s so easy, isn’t it – to make that wrong choice.  To think that leaving is what you should do – to walk away from all the craziness, to go out and find that calmness, and peace that you’re longing for.  To find a man who will love you the way you want, need, to be loved.

But how many beginnings do you need to go through to realise that all of this is just life – culminated all together for a hard life, but still just life.  And life needs to be dealt with – and the calmness that you seek can only be found in one place.

Inside of you.

I loved that movie, Unfaithful with Richard Gere and Diane Lane, where after all is said and done, and he has killed her lover, he says to her,

“I knew it from the very first day!  Because I know you, Connie.  I know you…”

That kind of knowledge and intimacy only comes through being together, living life together over a lifetime.  And no matter how hard life is, or how stressed you feel, the benefits of committing until the end brings rewards and happiness and blessings that no short-lived relationship can ever bring.  Imagine doing one thing out of your daily routine and your husband knows you so well, he picks it up immediately.  Imagine having that kind of knowledge and love for someone – you can, but only if you go the extra mile and commit.  Each day – commit.  When the going is tough, and all you want to do is leave – commit.


Because I know, and believe, it is so worth it in the end.

You can’t fall in or out of love – you choose to surrender or harden your heart to another person.  That’s a choice.  The hubs and I have been through a lot of not so good times.  We’ve had a lot of laughs and adventures, but there’s been some humdrum ruts and serious rough patches.  Love is a choice, just like forgiveness, trust, respect, and friendship.  Sometimes it’s not fair, sometimes it just plain sucks — but you keep at it because somewhere along the way all that hard work, sweat, and tears pays off.  There’s a bond forged in the hard times – in staying for no other reason than you promised God you wouldn’t leave.  After 16 years, 3 kids, 7 moves, several jobs, an addiction, and a ridiculous amount of student debt – we have a history together.  I know his expressions, can anticipate many of his moods and reactions.  We can look at each other and smile, because we have a thousand inside jokes.  Marriage is hard.  If you’re struggling in your relationship, assuming all things are equal and no one’s being abused or mistreated, etc. (there are some things time can’t fix) — stick it out.  In my experience, the hard work, tears, fights — it all adds up to a history you can’t buy and only time can build.  This is a marathon not a sprint.  But every day, love is a choice — loving someone is a choice.  Wake up every day with the resolve to surrender your heart to your spouse, and take nothing for granted.  You’ll be glad you did.



3 thoughts on “Commitment

    1. Its a beautiful movie – not for the affair, but for the connection in their marriage. Sad that she didn’t see it, though – or more likely, that she lost sight of it. Thank you so much for your comment!


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