My Prince Charming – or not…


Did you marry your one true love?  Is there even such a thing – a Prince Charming born and raised just with the sole purpose in life to marry you and make you happy?

Yes, there is.  And no there isn’t.  It is – to me – one of the conundrums of life.  It’s not an either / or, it’s a both / and… let me explain.

I don’t believe in love at first sight, or the one true love myth – although my relationship with hubby totally belies this.  When I met hubby, I knew I wanted to marry him and I knew I wanted our relationship to work.  But what would have happened if for some reason we didn’t work out?  If he decided that I’m not the girl for him, or what if he decided he’d rather travel than settle down, or any other myriad of reasons to not make a relationship work.

You see, I believe you can marry any number of individuals, and you can be happily married.  It’s not so much who you marry, as it is what you put into the marriage.  I know that I have been very blessed with hubby, and I know that for me he is more than perfect.  But, I believe he only became my one true love after we were married.  Because you see, once that commitment is made and those vows are uttered, then, and only then, does he become my Prince Charming.  Before that, well, the position is only temporarily filled until … well, until it is permanently filled.  And to keep the fairy tale alive takes a lot of work and dedication, and understanding and grace and love and forgiveness and friendship and sex and intimacy and all those things – but even with the reality of life, he is still my Prince Charming.  Because he is the one who chose me and I am the one who chose him (to be honest, it is God who brought us together).  And so while I may not believe in “the one”, I believe the one you marry, becomes “the one”…

He is your Prince Charming, because you’ve chosen him to be…

Here’s the thing, I don’t believe in love at first sight.  I do not have a true love out there.  If there’s one thing 16 years of marriage has taught me it’s that the happy, life-is-perfect, bliss-mirage lasts a remarkably short amount of time and you’re left with the harsh reality that you married a human who can’t read your mind, doesn’t do everything the way you would, doesn’t agree with everything you say/do, has bad habits and irritating quirks you never saw coming.

And that’s when love becomes a choice.

(Reference: http://tolovehonorandvacuum.com/2013/10/love-is-a-verb/)

You can’t fall in or out of love – you choose to surrender or harden your heart to another person.  That’s a choice.  The hubs and I have been through a lot of not so good times.  We’ve had a lot of laughs and adventures, but there’s been some humdrum ruts and serious rough patches.  Love is a choice, just like forgiveness, trust, respect, and friendship.  Sometimes it’s not fair, sometimes it just plain sucks — but you keep at it because somewhere along the way all that hard work, sweat, and tears pays off.  There’s a bond forged in the hard times – in staying for no other reason than you promised God you wouldn’t leave.

(Reference: http://tolovehonorandvacuum.com/2013/10/love-is-a-verb/)

And that is why the man you married becomes your Prince Charming – because you love him, and you keep choosing to love him.

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